Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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