you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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