When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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