I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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