I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
