watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
