I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
