Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
