found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
