i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
