Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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