I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
