Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
