Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
