My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
