Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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