forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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