I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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