reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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