Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
