Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
