I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
