its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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