Your mouth is God's brothel.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
