you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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