I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
