Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
we should paint friendship bongs
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