4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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