Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
