In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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