do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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