better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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