my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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