I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize