Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Non-Jews are for practice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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