The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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