i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
