why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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