guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
In America we eat man semen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
