I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
