when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
