Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
