someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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