I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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