I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
