It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
