Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
