I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
