I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
