You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
